both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
