I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is my gift to your gina
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
