It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
