I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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