Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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