went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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