i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
