i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
