I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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