Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
