im drinking this country out of the recession.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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