not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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