Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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