no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
40s are totally the cure
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
