dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
