you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
