You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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