3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
