I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
