Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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