Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
