How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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