We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was confusing and full of hummus
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
