I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
