you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
