Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
