I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
