let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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