I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
