Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
