i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
