All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
