how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
