Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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