I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
