So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
