apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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