He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
