Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
