The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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