Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
