She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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