I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
