My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
