Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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