The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
