one might say we're banned from that church
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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