My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
