Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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