You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FUCK WHALES
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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