so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
