Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
