About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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