I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
